a pitch black sky more stars than i've ever seen tainted by a mist of green waving around in the air kind of like a spirit below icebergs crackle and break into the sea that's the only thing that breaks complete silence
i think i'm too self-conscious about my writing to call this a poem so i feel like i have to call it something else so i'll call it a poetical thought
I was really excited to blog some of my recent thoughts/things God is teaching me. There are so many so I will try to combine a few so they make sense.
I think it is easy to take on the burden's of the places around us and feel pressured to do something about them. It is just not our job to do this. I can't make a difference no matter where I place myself. God wants us to rest in Him. To take a break from our busy life and the craziness going on around us and just rest in Him and His presence. Then bring that along everywhere we go.
The sick in the street used to try and just get to Peter's shadow so they would be healed. This had nothing to do with Peter's shadow, the Holy Spirit overshadowed Peter and people wanted to get a piece of that.
The most important thing for us to learn is that if we are resting in the Lord and hearing from Him then He will make things happen in our lives. It really shouldn't even have to be much of an effort on our part.
Jesus was often drawn to people from compassion. We have this same thing placed within us... if the Holy Spirit draws us to a particular person to say or do something then do it. God is still working miracles all the time but only for those who are expecting them, and acting out of Christ's perfect love.
I don't usually like to write posts because I feel like the the things I have to say never come out quite right when I try to portray them through words.
But I suppose it's worth a try.
The most important things I've learned so far and will continue to learn is that my life is totally incomplete without God. The first two months I was here I forgot the importance of this... and I suffered because of it. Right now I am learning to hear God's voice. It's easy to forget that God speaks to us. It's difficult to make the effort to really listen to Him. I suppose it's this way because it makes life easier for us (kind of) when we don't have to "check in" with someone all the time.
I think we get like that in our relationships too. If we aren't constantly communicating with our friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends... we are going to forget the importance of it and that relationship is going to be weak. If God holds the most importance in my life then it just makes sense I will constantly be talking to Him and including Him in EVERYTHING. In my relationship with Tyler, even though he can't always be with me especially not now, I want him to know everything. If we were together all the time then I would talk about everything with him.
I guess I didn't realize that God really is with us all the time... or maybe I just ignored it.
Lately I have been trying really hard to ask God, or at least listen for His voice, in EVERY situation. It isn't always easy but the more I try the easier it gets.
God doesn't just speak to us about big things but He's talking to us all the time and it's our responsibility to learn to hear His voice. Once I learn to hear Him in small things (which meat to choose, which street to run on, what time to do this or that, how to say something, if i should say something) then I will become more confident with bigger things (life decisions, bold actions to take, direct words from God to speak to others).
I think I would get frustrated sometimes because I wanted God to make big things happen in my life... well that is so selfish for me to think God would work in my life when I was hardly seeking for His voice. I would sometimes, but sometimes just isn't enough.
I guess right now I am just really concentrating on making my life a prayer. It's not like every time I make a decision I'm on my knees asking for direction, but just that I'm always aware God is speaking to me... and if I'm not sure then I'll ask. It's kind of trial and error at the beginning but I'm really starting to understand this relationship better.
In the last week I saw... a few places in Denmark, Norway, and Sweden
yesterday morning I saw... my bag full of clothes along with my backpack poured completely out, Lucas (the 4 year old) put my mascara all over his face, kids walking in on me while taking a shower, and lots of screaming babies =)
Last night I saw... Beautiful Copenhagen still lit by the sun at 10pm as I went running there were ducks and swans and lots of big dogs. I like this place.
In two days I will see... GREENLAND! I will have pictures and videos of this beautiful land.
4:30am I let buddy out the sliding glass door much to his confusion. He instantly walked right onto our pool cover and sat half way in the water looking at me in confusion. I called his name and he climbed out. Then on the way inside he just about ran right into the glass door even though it was opened. And now he is gone home.
The countdown is 34 days until I'm on my way. I wish it was tomorrow. Well, today I wish that. Tomorrow I'm sure I will be glad it is still 33 days away.
Waiting is so hard. I was just thinking about people in the Bible who had to wait. The list is long. I think God teaches us a lot during waiting periods. Waiting feels like just sitting and not doing anything. I guess God sees it another way.
I love the people in my life. I feel blessed and selfish for taking them for granted.
This is Nuuk Greenland (a part of it anyways). I have so many mixed emotions.
I wish I was leaving right now. I feel like many pieces of my life are getting to a point where in one moment everything is going to make a huge shift. I hate waiting on that moment it is making me pretty apathetic in where I am right now.
I really like 2corinthians 4:7-18 I won't type the whole thing but some of it I will.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us, we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not forsaken, struck down, but not destroyed.......
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
I know some people will read this and think I'm really morbid. I'm not. I was just thinking about funerals and I decided I really don't want one. I wanted this to be written somewhere so that my wishes would be followed through. I'm not planning on dying soon but you never know when it is going to happen.
I know that funerals are like a memorial for a person and their life and a time for people to maybe get closure... but I'm not sure if I see it that way. I don't want my parents, husband, or whoever to spend thousands of dollars on flowers, a funeral home, an urn, or a grave plot. I just don't see the point. I don't want a place full of people crying over me, I'll be in a better place! Mourning is normal I'm not saying I don't mourn over death it is hard to say goodbye to someone you weren't ready to leave. I just don't want a formal ceremony.
This is what I want. I want to be cremated and I want my ashes spread somewhere... I don't really even care where. It makes no difference. Maybe I will decide on a location someday.
Anyways I am posting this so that this will come true. I think it is only fair that I get what I want when I die =)
Okay I'm putting up an art show next month at Radina's. The show is about landscapes and the images I capture in my mind. I'm putting a few of them here, I need some critiquing... but most of all I need help coming up with titles. Tell me what you do or don't like, feelings, name ideas? Be as creative as you want to be.
So I now have a blog. It will be used mostly to create videos compiled from my week, day... or whatever I feel like. I don't really have an explanation for my title. I think Deja Vu is really interesting and since I'm showing images I thought it worked. That's all.